My most recent of absences has been much too long and much too abrupt.
I’m not even sure any of my “followers” still check to see if I have made a post.
Shit, here’s for nothing, if not helping me cope.
Every time I think that my life is making a turn for the, significantly, better something happens to make me change my mind.
I was being paid as a part time consultant for my old high school debate team. Branching out to a multitude of new people, including going slow with the new guy that I thought I had something with, got my sweet lover 90 pound ox of a dog over her fear of cars.
Long story short: coach is dying of cancer, guy thought I was just a friend started dating someone else, dog abruptly dies.
I took all of these badly, but MY dog dying is the breaking point.
I loved her with all my heart. I mean, I don’t have a large amount of friends. I don’t have a significant other. I have my animals. This animal was a great animal, too.
She could sense when you were feeling down or sick or whatever. She would lick all over your face to try and make you feel better. Oh, and then try and climb in your lap and cuddle it out. Imagine, 90 pounds of dog trying to get her 2 foot long tongue in your face. It makes you forget you were upset.
But now she’s gone, buried under the shade of the tree where my dad puts all of the animals that have died since we bought this house. It makes me sick to think of her there. Rotting already. Infested with bugs and probably no longer looking much like my sweet dog.
I try to talk to my mom about why I can’t sleep or eat since this happened.
MOM: Stop it, that’s sick. Why would you think of that.
ME: I can’t help it, I see the pictures of her I have of her in my room, I see the mud she left on my backseat that I never bothered to clean, I walk around the backyard and ITS ALL I CAN THINK OF.
I’m never going to see the dog that helped me through the hardest years of my life, and I have this irking feeling that this shit storm isn’t over yet.
My month is now of the likes to be written into a country-western song.
Here’s to hoping my mom doesn’t get runned over by a damned old train.